Close to midnight I had a phone call from Shinya Shirasu. He was drinking with his friends, and wondered if I could join them. I had my work, so I said regretfully that I could not make it.
Maybe Shinya's call had a strange effect on my unconscious. I had a dream. In it I was lecturing in a room. After the lecture, I realized that Hideo Kobayashi was among the audience. In a sudden pang of regret, I reproached myself for not noticing the legendary critic's presence. Then my heart started to appreciate how warm and embracing the smile of Hideo Kobayashi has been. Because of the warmth, it was now all right. I still thought I would have loved to talk to Hideo Kobayashi, but all was well as it was.
When I awoke, I realized that Hideo Kobayashi is dead for a long time.
Hideo Kobayashi is Shinya's grandfather. It is strange how a small experience can be wondrously interpreted in one's unconscious, reflected in the occasional manifestations in the conscious, while the vast ocean of the unconscious remains inaccessible.
6 comments:
Yes, I have had similar profound experiences as well, where dreams would make me unexpectedly aware of the underlying link between the conscious and the unconscious. Such incidents occurred most often in my younger years, usually having to do with my affection towards specific women (or girls, to be more precise), who would appear in my dreams in such beautiful imagery, enabling myself to realize my innermost true feelings upon awakening. One of such notable experiences which took place when I was in grade 4 happen to be of a rather "bittersweet" nature (which I will probably remember for the rest of my life), where I saw the dream just a day before the girl's last day at school due to the transfer of her father's workplace to another remote city. To make things worse, being an immature kid as I was in those days, I still clearly remember how I was not very nice to her (to say the least) until the very final moment, childishly trying to attract her attention the very wrong way. I wept that night in the shower repeatedly crying out her name, the name which I still remember to this very day. Dreams can be really cruel sometimes...
SK
私も最近全集を読み、小林秀雄の意識にアクセスしていました。よく夢に出ます。孫をなでなでして抱っこしたいという欲求を感じている彼や、女心と秋の空、と思っているような彼を知覚します。本当にそうなのかどうかはわかりませんが、そう感じる自分がいるのは科学的にどうなのでしょうね。
Dear,Mr.Mogi
I have seen Mr.Kobayashi in my heart
when I was in Nara. It was deep feeling.
I was happy enough.
It was in the spring of the third year of my college life, when I met this young man who started to talk to me on my way home from the local library. Usually, I never followed a stranger, but as he looked harmless or rather honest and sincere, I found myself walking with him in the gentle day light of the early spring. He talked about numerous subjects from history, literature, to politics, quietly but with enthusiasum, while walking. I felt ashamed of myself because I couldn't catch up with the conversation with this knowledgeable man, but anyway I just tried to concentrate on listening to him, nodding most of the time, and made a bit of comments occasionally. After having some time looking over the lovely Japanese garden from the "engawa" of the old Japanese house situated in Komaba park, we said good-bye to each other. It was this moment that he said, "Thank you very much for being my company, I have been desperate since the death of Hideo Kobayashi. I needed to talk to someone, what do you think is the essence in him...? The warmth, the warmth, I can't tell you how much I miss him!" Suddenly, Hideo Kobayashi, whose works were too hard to me to appreciate fully, came very close to me, and I felt the warmth which made me almost sad, touched my soul.
It was in the spring of 1983.
It was in the spring of in the third year of my college life, when I met thhis young man who started to talk to me on my way home from the local library. Usually, I never followed a stranger, but as he looked harmless, or rather honest and sincere, I found myself walking with him in the gentle day light of early spring. He talked about numerous subjects from history, literature, to politics, quietly but with enthusiasum while walking. I felt ashamed of myself as I couldn't catch up with the conversation with this knowledgeable man. I kept nodding most of the time, and made a bit of comments occasionally. After having some time looking over the lovely Japanese garden from the "engawa" of the old Japanese house situated in Komaba park, we said good-bye to each other. It was this moment that he said, "Thank you very much for being my company. I have been desperate since the death of Hideo Kobayashi. I needed to talk to someone... What do you think the essence in him...? The warmth, the warmth...I can't tell you how much I miss him!" Suddenly, Hideo Kobayashi, whose works were too hard for me to appreciate fully, came very close to me, and I felt the warmth, which made me almost sad, touched my soul.
It was in the spring of 1983.
真想不到我会评论说伟大的主题，你有没有为自己的代码呢？真的看起来好极了！.
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