Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Myself and the red-bellied newt (4)

The clock in my heart started to tick slowly. The passage of the every day became painful. I felt the urge to take a look at the newt tank, but was too afraid to do so. Sometimes, we avoid the truth at all costs.

During the course of a day, I would suddenly feel a pang in my breast. Then a wave of agitation would run through my system. What has happened to the newt? Was it starving to death in the murky water? Was it crying for help desperately, which I did not hear? "It is too late now". I thought. The remorse of having done something irreparable was growing like a beast lurking in the darkness.

Three days, four days, five days, ....then eventually a week passed without my going to the tank to witness what had happened. I lived a life of an increasingly troubling nature, with the Sword of Damocles hanging above. And there seemed to be no escape from the stalemate.

Then, one afternoon, there was an unexpected turn in the wind. I was coming back home from school on the usual route, when I noticed that something had changed in me. It was as if an entity, which had been dispersed like a cloud, was made into a rigid spinning ball which could now be handled. Now I was ready to go to the newt tank.

Opening the house door, I went straight to the tank, as if in fear that if I stopped even for a moment I would lose the energy to go through. My heart pounded like an wild animal as I approached the tank in the dark corner.

I was finally ready to accept whatever would come. The verdict was imminent. Gingerly, I peeked into the tank. There it was--the newt, although somewhat feeble looking, was alive, hiding itself as if it was shy of its existence. To my surprise, the water was not that dirty either, although visibly at a lower level due to evaporation.

(To be continued tomorrow)

11 comments:

Tsumabenicho said...

What a relief !
It looked too late, but at least your newt was alive.
The process of time injures me, and the moment of a peek elevates my mind to appreciate the relationship between the boy and his animal companion.

I like the depiction " hiding itself as if it was shy of its existence."
It seems one of my pain spots why I love dumb creatures so much.
I wonder if English " grieve " also implies " love " and vice versa.

Junko said...

Good! I really worried about the poor newt while reading the today's blog.
In my mind,the nest became a hero even looked shame.
Naturally he said nothing and was just alive.
I like your honestly confession.

砂山鉄夫(Tetsu Sunayama) said...

This series is tense. But I was relieved today to confirm the word "alive". Good!

I can't take my eyes off this boy and his little creature.

maruko247 said...

Yes, you normally grieve the loss of someone dear to you.

yuzu said...

Dear:Mr.Mogi
I know you are a wonderful writer.
I flutter with this story of your memory too much.
I couldn't read it this morning, because I do not want to feel sadness.
But I feel happy now.

olimay said...

Wow, what a bunch of cliffhanger this series has been! I have to admit, I shared in sense of dread this story describes--for a moment I could barely bring myself to read the end of the post, to see if the newt was dead or alive.

Rika said...

I was anxious about your newt.
So glad to know it was alive!!!!!

Your sentences include lots of atmosphere and the rhythm of creature. So enjoyable!

Kay said...

It amazes me that for a human mind, you need some time before the wind to change its course.
I like your expression that the cloud in you had changed into a spinning ball.
Maybe I should spend some painful days and wait for the change of wind in me.

Tsumabenicho said...

Hello, Ken chan a little bit looking askance at the world.
Today's serial tweet " the moon " is good !

Tsumabenicho said...

茂木先生、連ツィ絶好調ですね。
これを本にまとめる際はぜひ英訳つきで。あたしゃ何冊か買って部下に(いないか!)読ませますよ!

今はもう廃校した島のちっちゃな小学校の図書コーナーに、本が二十冊くらいしかないんだけど、なぜかそこに図鑑に混じって知恵の言葉、というような本が置いてありました。そこに、万物は水である(タレス?)とか、いやいやたえまなく動く空気である(アナクシメネス?)とか書いてありました。あたしゃそれで万物の根本とか、人間の根本とか気になってしょうがなくなって、京都にのぼって哲学専攻しちゃいました。

連ツィにはそのころ感じた哲学の躍動がある!もちろん批判的に読んでますが(ヒヒヒ)、いいところ吸収しちゃってますよ!
アイコンも楽しい!

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