The world at large is never to know.

The great novel "Sanshiro" ends thus.

---------
Yoshiro moved closer to Sanshiro. "How do you like 'Woman in Forest?'"
"The title is no good."
"What should it be, then?"
Sanshiro did not answer him, but to himself he muttered over and over, "Stray sheep. Stray sheep."

Soseki Natsume "Sanshiro", translated by Jay Rubin.
-------------

So finally, it was about a painting. To the casual onlooker it is just a painting of a woman with a fan, posing in the forest. It is nothing but the "Woman in the Forest".

To Sanshio alone, the painting is the focal point of his never-to-return youthful wanderings. The encounter with the enigmatic woman, the romance, the agitations, dreams, heartbreaks, and the eventual catastrophe in the form of the marriage of the woman to a total stranger.

The novel starts with the encounter of Sanshiro with Mineko by the pond, and ends with the fulfillment of the creation of the painting in the final scene. The painting hides many secrets and tears under its shining surface.

The intimacy is private, and the world at large is never to know. Nobody is to hear Sanshiro's sighs. Then the novelist comes to the rescue.


The Sanshiro pond in the University of Tokyo Hongo campus, named after the famous novel.
It was by this pond that Sanshiro met Mineko.

Lights, darkness and all.

Drank with my best friends until late at night. Had an early morning, but simply had to stay. There are nights like this when you simply wanted to hang out with your chums.

Thought of leaving in-between, but stayed until the last call was made. Walked out into the Shibuya street. Took a group photo.
Memories of forgone times. Tears, smiles, and visions for the future.

Writing this journal on the way back home. Embracing life. Lights, darkness and all.

Dissonance.

During the course of my life, I sometimes search for dissonance. Consonances are surely beautiful. To drink a good white wine in a sunlit room on a late spring afternoon is an epitome of consonance. On the other hand, disagreeing can be also glorify the soul, whether it is with people, food, music, or painting.

Sometimes, the dissonant experience visits us in a subtle form. take the paintings by Francis Bacon (1909-1992), for example. His paintings makes the onlooker uneasy, as if something is wrong with the painting, or the world, or, more seriously, with ourselves. It is as if elements of rage of disagreement is diluted, and sprinkled all over the place, so that the dissonance in distribution becomes something akin to love.


Self Portrait by Francis Bacon.

Things in the periphery

To encounter new things, you often need to see things in the periphery. The central vision captures things of interest as you understand it now, but the things in the peripheral vision, which might not be of significance for now, might turn out to be life-changing in the end.

So the knack is to see the scenery as a whole, and wait for something to "pop out" from the unconscious into your attention.
What we see is massively parallel in nature. Things are captured in the visual awareness at the same time. Brain's resources as regards attention, perception, cognition, memory, action cannot be allocated to all that are visible at one time. So you need to distribute your concerns diffusely.

How to come to terms with the overflow of the periphery is one of the most essential things in life.

Look at a painting like "Children's Games" by Peter Bruegel the Elder.
Here's a larger file. Notice how things are visible in a massively parallel way. And then let little things tickle you.



Peter Bruegel the Elder. Children's Games. (1560).

Nothing to say.

Take the starry night by Vincent van Gogh, for example. This oil painting, painted in 1889, strikes one with a vivid impression. However, Gogh himself has nothing to say about it.

Nothing to say. Creators must remain silent, after the work is finished. If the work is powerful enough, it will speak for the self. The urge to add some words to the self-standing work is a testimony of its feebleness. Weakness requires complements. Beauty and power are self-sustaining.

If you are a creator, you should not go moping about, concerning your work. You may want to do it privately, among your close friends, but not publicly.

This universe, which we inhabit, is a beautiful and powerful place, with lots of secrets and treasures, a small portion of which we humans have uncovered. It is a self-sustaining work.

That is probably why God remains silent.

Nothing to say.


The Starry Night. By Vincent van Gogh

Wild Animals

When you watch classic films shot in Japan's Showa era like Akira Kurosawa's "High and Low", you are surprised by the swift and vivid movements of the actors.

The actions are full of energy, with surprising twists, and accompanied by the very strong feeling of something living here and now.

Although the gist of the impressions is surely due to the mastery of the great director, I think it has a lot to do with the Zeitgeist, too. The film was released in 1963. At that time, 17 years after the end of second world war, Japanese economy was rapidly growing, rather like today's China. People were naturally highly motivated, with a belief that tomorrow will bring something exciting, something unprecedented. Such a mindset shows in the movements.

Civilization, when it develops, envelops the human beings with lots of protections. We become "vetted", and lose our wilderness. With the advent of the internet, we are all in a danger of constant vetting, and that is reflected in our daily movements.

To watch a film like "High and Low" is tantamount to having a glimpse into the time in which we were rather like "wild animals", roaming in the world at large, driven by our own instincts, oblivious of the glass ceiling of civilization which actually exists in any given era.


Cover of Akira Kurosawa's "High and Low" DVD.

"I am happy. I will live long"

In Yasujiro Ozu's film "Early Summer" ("Bakushu"), there is a surprise scene where Noriko (played by Setsuko Hara) agrees to marry the widower Kenkichi (played by Hiroshi Nihonyangagi). Kenkichi's mother, Tami (played by Haruko Sugimura), on a sudden impulse says that she had been wishing that somebody like Noriko would marry the lonely man. The unexpected proposal, and Noriko's equally unanticipated "yes", is a dramatic turning point in the tranquility of the beautiful cinema.
Upon hearing Noriko's consent, Tami goes on to say "Thank you very much. I am happy. I will live long." Tami has been worried about her son's future, and her own welfare, but now that the key arrangement has been made, she can rest assured that her remaining days, the last stretch of life, would be happy.

Seeing my own mother for the New year, I remembered the poignant scene from the great master. And I wished that my mother would be able to say "I am happy. I will live long." in the coming years.

Life is full of ups and downs, and I can take my share of the upheavals, as I am determined to be strong in heart, but I would like my aging parents to be happy, without conditions.


The immortal "proposal" scene from "Early Summer."

The blanket mood

As a kid I used to stay in the blanket, especially on a cold morning.

I would wrap myself entirely in the warm cloth, with only my head sticking out of it. At this posture, the wayward strings and fluffs would be just in front of me. I would watch them in a correspondingly capricious mood, slightly out of focus. Then I would gradually find myself in a virtually isolated state. Cozily isolated.

The world around me disappears. There is just I and the piece of string protruding out of the blanket. I would be immensely happy. Like I was still in the mother's womb. There was nothing to be added, or subtracted. I am in a perfect state of bliss.
Then time passes, and I have to go to the toilet, or prepare myself to go to school. With a sigh and resignation, I would hesitatingly get out of the blanket. Those were the days.

Mornings have become practical nowadays. I seldom get into the blanket mood. When, on a rare occasion, I find myself reluctant to get out of it, I regard it as a special bonus. The spirit of childhood has returned to me.

Escape velocity

I feel as if I am in a period of inner transformation. I try to do things that have not been possible so far, and shy away from things that have become easy and accustomed for me.

The things that I would like to do, the worlds in which I prefer to be, have not changed so much over the years. The key is how you can be honest about it. We have a great functionality of adjusting to the environment, and that could also be a source of curse sometimes.

Gravitational pull can be enjoyed. The escape velocity for the earth is 11.2 km. Let's see how fast I can run this year.

And let's keep enjoying the small things, like the blossom of violet on the side of the meandering path.

The knack is to be struck unawares.

I love the Beatles. The definition of my heaven is when I drive in the U.K. countryside, listening to a Beatles album, preferably St. Peppers or Abbey Road.

My manner of encounter with the music of Beatles was unexpected. When I was 12, I was listening to the radio, and all of a sudden this music just jumped into my ear. I knew it was something quite different from what I had been hearing. That was the Beatles.

The time was 1975. Although by then the fabulous four had already dissolved the group, there were always waves of revival, and I was caught in one of them.

Once, I narrated my own initiation into the kingdom of Beatlemania to the famous photographer Shimpei Asai, who captured many memorable moments of the group's Tokyo tour. Shimpei said that it was an ideal way of getting to know the music of Beatles.

The knack is to be struck unawares. Without any prior knowledge, suddenly you're exposed to a whole new realm of the unknown. It is love at first sight or hearing.

What bliss. Life is full of surprises. You have to wait for one.

Writing this, I am reminded of Miranda's immortal speech in Tempest.

"O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beautious mankind is!
O brave new world,
That has such people in't!"


What a genius is William! How well he captures the blessings of the unknown!

Full of life!

I had several dialogues with the artist Shusaku Arakawa in 2006, including one television shoot. The location for the TV dialogue was in the “Reversible Destiny Lofts MITAKA -In Memory of Helen Keller“. The producer was Goichi Hanano.

Shusaku Arakawa is a fascinating person. He speaks with energy and passion, and his words are poems in motion.

Once Shusaku gave a lecture at the Tokyo University of Fine arts and Music. For those who attended the lecture, and for those who subsequently listened to it on the internet through the MP3 file, the talk is now a legend.

I particularly remember the moment when Shusaku cried aloud, noticing that he has inadvertently let out some saliva as he was talking too enthusiastically.

"Look! In that saliva, there are billions of organisms. You see? The world is like that! Full of life!"
The memory of that "full of life!" moment would stay with me for a long long time.

Human memories are strange. I somehow remembered my time with Shusaku Arakawa this morning.


With Shusaku Arakawa in the “Reversible Destiny Lofts MITAKA -In Memory of Helen Keller“, April 2006.

The ultimate role model

It is interesting that intellectuals who are not ostensibly religious are drawn to the life of Jesus Christ. Oscar Wilde, whose life on the surface seems to be one of indulgence and extravagance rather than prudence, came to a deep understanding of the life and teachings of Jesus Christ in his last years. Wilde was imprisoned for a "crime" which by today's standards is nothing but an expression of personal traits best left for discretions. Wilde's De Profundis, written in the prison, delights the reader with the artist's in-depth interpretation of the man that was Jesus Christ.

Leo Tolstoy, the novelist of Anna Karenina and War and Peace, dedicated his later years to writing on Christianity. His book "The Gospel in Brief" had a profound effect on Ludwig Wittgenstein, arguably the greatest philosopher of the 20th century. Wittgenstein carried the book everywhere, and recommended it to people he encountered, so that he came to be known as the "Gospel man".

It is interesting to observe in what context Jesus Christ became an inspiration for these valuable people. It was the principle of individuality. In Jesus Christ we find a man who did not become fearful of obeying one's inner voice even if that was against the common sense and codes of morality of the society at that particular time. Creativity is often proportional to the courage to venture into unbeaten paths, and Jesus Christ provided the ultimate role model.

In the pursuit of individuality, "God" could be a metaphor. God represents that which is unchangeable and ever life-supportive in the battles of individuality in a society where the peer pressures are sometimes too strong and the codes of behavior too demanding.

Soseki without stomachache

Sanshiro is one of my beloved novels by Soseki Natsume. As I was transferring data into my new notebook computer, I had some time, and was reading an English translation of Sanshiro.

Haruki Murakami writes the preface. What Mr. Murakami says is quite interesting. I quote.

-----------------

The protagonist of Sanshiro, however, is different. He, too, is unable to find his proper place amid dislocated circumstances, but he never fully confronts those circumstances as a problem within himself. Instead, he accepts them in a relatively natural way, with a young man's particular kind of nonchalant resignation, as something entirely external to himself. "Oh, well, that's how it goes," he seems to say. Stomach pain has not yet entered his world. I think that Sanshiro is a personal favorite of mime because it depicts this natural functioning of the young protagonist's psyche in an utterly mellifluous style. Sanshiro watches life sweeping him along the same way he looks at clouds sailing through the sky. The free movement of his gaze draws us in almost before we know it, and we forget to view him critically.

Haruki Murakami, Preface to Sanshiro, translated by Jay Rubin.

-----------------

Here, Mr. Murakami's usage of the "stomachache" metaphor is interesting. It is well known that Soseki Natsume suffered from stomach conditions for most of his career, especially in the late years. It may well be that such physical circumstances influenced what Soseki wrote as a novelist in a profound way, affecting the world view and the manner in which the protagonist of the story moved around in the fictitious world.

In this context, Haruki Murakami himself might be regarded as "Soseki without stomachache".


Sanshiro. Translated by Jay Rubin.

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Autobiography too soon

People have this idea that autobiographies are written by people who have "done it", whose merits and achievements have been more or less established.

There are times, however, when an autobiography is produced in the middle of a career, "prematurely" or too soon according to the above stated criterion.

Richard Wagner's "My Life" (original German title "Mein Leben") was one such autobiography out of context. Covering the composer's life between 1813 and 1864, it describes the often turbulent events and life's courses of the composer of Tannhauser, Lohengrin, and Tristan und Isolde. It was dictated to Cosima Wagner, his second life, in response to a request by King Ludwig II of Bavaria.

At the time of the publication of Mein Leben, Wagner's career was far from over. He went on to compose Die Meistersinger, complete Der Ring des Nibelungen, found the Bayreuth festival, and create his final opera Parsifal.
What was the significance of Mein Leben? I suspect that it led to a resurgence of Wagner's creative momentum at a critical period.

The significance is a psychological one. Looking back on one's past, searching for hidden meanings, discovering latent agenda, understanding one's own choices and coming to terms with one's own self is sometimes a necessary and benevolent process for the creator. In the healing of soul, in the journey into one's spiritual magma there is often a key for a renewed surge of the creative dynamo.

For these reasons, I regard the dictation of Mein Leben as a process of reconciliation and regeneration for the great artist.
Even if one doesn't actually go as far as producing a premature autobiography, reflecting on one's past is surely a panacea for the soul when the waters are troubled and your volcano remains silent.


Richard and Cosima Wagner

Star of the Giants

When I was a kid, one of the things that I admired was "guts".

It was in part influenced by pieces of the Japanese manga. For example, "Star of the Giants" ("Kyojin no Hoshi"). This legendary sports anime was aired just as I entered the elementary school. The hero, Hyuma Hoshi, overcomes obstacles after obstacles to become a true star of the Tokyo Giants, the one and only powerful and popular baseball club at that time.

The idea was to make efforts, to show perseverance, and try to transform yourself, both physically and spiritually.

Somehow the idea of making strenuous efforts gripped me. When I was eight, I remember quite vividly how I started to run along the school track with some of my friends in the after hours. As my friends dropped running, I continued to run around, never stopping.

The theme tune of the Star of Giants was in my mind, inspiring the eight year old. It was a stupid thing to do, but fun.
I gave up running only when the bell rang and the school teacher came to tell us that it was time to go home.

To this day, I sometimes wonder if I don't carry the flag of perseverance still in my spirit. When things get hard and the circumstances are against you, I sometimes remember the small child that was I who made bold efforts to overcome.

I suspect that I was a loner in that respect. The influence of an amine has many colors for different people.







Some scenes from the now legendary "Star of the Giants"

Thunderbird 2, my friend.

Although less than 1% of Japanese are Christians, the custom of Christmas festivities and present givings are avidly followed here, especially by the ever eager kids.

When I was six, I wanted so badly the secret base of thunderbirds, complete with Thunderbird 1 and Thunderbird 2. I repeatedly looked at the picture of the machine-equipped and gadget-filled island in the advertisements with shining eyes.
If only I could get the secret base!

The world will be mine, I thought.

I could not get the secret base itself, though. To my great disappointment, the local store did not carry it, and the idea of internet shopping was a futuristic non-existence in those days.

I got a Thunderbird 2 instead.

Although not particularly stylish, because of its abilities to carry tons of equipments, Thunderbird 2 fascinated me. Its fat shape was universally popular among boys.

Maybe that's why my body around the belly resembles the Thunderbird 2 nowadays.

Thunderbird 2, my friend.


The secret base ("Tracy Island").
Something similar to this infused
the 6 year old me with yearning and desire.


Thunderbird 2. My friend.

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Quite close to the weakness often lies one's strength

One is naturally shy of exhibiting one's weakness. It might be a point of attack for the enemy, making us vulnerable in the world when at large.

However, one should also know that quite close to the weakness often lies one's strength.

One of the brain's most important functions is to adapt to the environment. In order to do that, one needs to read the context, and adjust one's activities. However, sometimes the failure to be flexible in the context can be actually become one's jump board to greatness.

Albert Einstein, for example. He was a non-conformist, dropping out of the gymnasium and traveling in Europe alone in the teens. At the university, he refused to address his professor in anything other than "Herr" ("Mr."), a social blunder in the German speaking world at that time. Albert's reasoning was that he did not respect him.

A more "context-intelligent" person would have acted otherwise, but then Albert Einstein could not have been the historical figure we know. The simple refusal to adapt to the context led to the great originality of the theory of relativity, which revolutionized the way we view the universe. Albert's weakness was also his strength.

The greatest physicist since Newton might appear to be an extreme example for our daily relevance, but we do learn a lot from the extremities. We should all be more tolerant of our own weaknesses.


The young Albert Einstein

Paper hat

While I was studying in Cambridge, I was invited to my mentor Horace Barlow's Xmas party once. It was a small and cozy party, with Horace's family and lab members.

Horace at that time was already of a venerable age, and yet it was fun to watch how he enjoyed opening the Christmas cracker, just like a child.

Out of all the contents of the Christmas cracker, the paper hat was the main thing. People wore them without exception, including Horace.

I have a vivid recollection of how Horace was smiling, with the paper hat on his head, looking like a five year old trying to pretend to be a king. To this day I cherish the memory of the wonderful sunshine emanating from Horace's countenance.

A Christmas crackers is a great inducer of the child in one. A child inducer is always a good thing.


Horace Barlow.